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The Kurt Cobain Page
Here is what was thought to be Kurt's suicide note
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously would rather be an emascluated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true . I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage . I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believeme I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full of love and joy , kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away. Peace, Love, Empathy Kurt Cobain Frances and courtney, I'll be at your altar. Pleas keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
R.I.P. Kurt
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FRANCES FARMER WILL HAVE HER REVENGE ON SEATTLEIt's so relieving to know that you're leaving as soon as you get paid
It's so relaxing to hear that you're asking where ever you get your way
It's so soothing to know that you'll sue me, this is starting to sound the same
I miss the comfort of being sad
In her false witness, we hope you're still with us, to see if they float or drown
Our favorite patient, a display of patience, disease covered Pudget-sound
She'll come back as fire to burn all the liars and leave a blanket of ash on the ground
I miss the comfort of being sad.
BY:NIRVANA
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KURT COBAIN'S DEATH CERTIFICATE |
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Here is part of a report I had to do on Kurt for school He lay there on his back, lifeless, in a light colored shirt soaked in blood, with a shot gun lied across his chest. There was nothing left of his mouth because he had shot a bullet down his throat. He had 1.52 milligrams of Valium, a drug, in his blood, which is three times the normal fatal dose.
The most common reasons people think that Kurt left the Earth was that he was losing interest in his life. His music tastes were changing and he didn't even like his group, Nirvana, anymore. Being a heroin addict, he thought that the only way out of his unsatisfying life was suicide.
The book goes on to state all of the things that happened on Kurt's last day of breathing. A minister entered a guilty plea to raping his own nine year old granddaughter. Kurt always hated rape and maybe this could have been the last straw included in Kurt's decision of shooting himself. It was the start of baseball season, and Kurt found absolutely no point in sports. The Andy Griffith Show had just began when Kurt went upstairs to the room above the garage to end his life.
There were many reactions to Kurt's death, especially from his fans. Some people committed "copy-cat suicides". Other fans went through utter despairs and long depressions. Some grew lonely in knowing that an idle had just disappeared forever.
Kurt claimed to hate his band, Nirvana. He said that he had been working on grunge music for so long that it just became boring and he no longer liked it. He was bored and tired of life and decided that he did not want to be here anymore.
Everyone who is depressed has a little bit of Kurt Cobain in them. No matter if you liked him, or despised him, he is still a rock legend.
Kurt had a very unhappy childhood next. It goes through his loves of poetry, art and music to his parents divorce, to cover his band and drug addictions, wife and child, and finally, more specifically and detailed, the book ends with his death and the emotions and reactions of his friends, family, and fans.
Kurt Cobain was highly influenced by his family and his drives. His favorite parent was his mother. He was always writing her poems and giving her art project he made. Kurt became very jealous in 1970, when his sister, Kimberly, was born. Kurt's childhood years grew depressing and lonely though when his parents got divorced when he was only 13. He lived with his mother for a little while in the same house, but it did not work very well so he decided to move in with his father. Kurt was very rarely happy after this point for the rest of his life. His father tried everything he could to make Kurt feel wanted, but nothing seemed to work, Kurt still hated it. As soon as he could, Kurt moved away from the little place in Aberdeen, Washington, where his parents resided. He didn't see his parents after that for a very, very long time. Most of Kurt's songs talk about how he hated his parents for their divorce or how Kurt felt his father had failed at being a parent. One of Kurt's lyrics in a song forgiving his father, yet not accepting any apologies called Serving the Servants, was"I tried hard to have a father but instead I had a Dad".
Another thing that influenced Kurt in a very uncommon way were his drives. He knew that he wanted to be a rock star, and looking back on Kurt's life, he wasn't just a rock star, he was a rock legend! He kept draining more out of himself to reach the top, but he never actually felt that he had accomplished it. He always felt that he didn't do good enough. As soon as Kurt could not get any more famous then he had already become, he wanted anything but to be famous. He despised that everyone was listening to his music and thought that only "freaks" and "depression victims" should be listening to his music. He would do anything to getting out of being famous, which eventually drove him to suicide.
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"It is now my duty to completely drain you"-NIRVANA |
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Kurt had one major weakness, drugs. He craved drugs from his childhood because he was prescribed with ridilin when he didn't need it and he accidently took more then he was prescribed a lot of the times. He began abusing household items as soon as he left his father. Addiction became a problem for Kurt as soon as he started using them. However, he never admitted it until the end. Kurt became addicted to heroin, and surprisingly enough, cough syrup was another one of his favorites. His wife, Courtney Love was an influence on Kurt's drug use. He first met her while dealing drugs. Soon after they had an affair and fell in love. Courtney also had a huge problem with heroin. At first, neither one would admit to it, but after a while Courtney forced Kurt to a rehab center to overcome his addiction. It only worked for a few days after Kurt returned home because with Courtney's heroin within reach, Kurt became more addicted then he was in the first place. He started to fall asleep in the middle of doing things, like talking to someone or writing. Kurt always claimed that he "just liked sleeping" though. He started telling interviewers and fans that he used to be an addict but now he was no longer using drugs, even though he used a hundred dollars a day on heroin. In the last days of his life, he went to a rehab center for three days, escaped because he couldn't cope with out drugs or with life anymore, went back to his, Courtney's, ad their daughter's empty house and shot himself. Drugs were a huge part of Kurt's life, yet he never really wrote any of his meaningful songs for them. Kurt's idea of success was always changing. In a way, he achieved almost everything, but he never got to be what he wanted when he wanted it. At first he wanted to be a rock star, and he did, but when he achieved it he only wanted to be another normal, infamous person. He always wanted to have a family, but almost as soon as he married Courtney he wanted the most feared thing in his life since he was 13, a divorce. He wanted a child, and when Courtney gave birth to their daughter, Frances Bean, he still ended up killing himself two years later and left Frances without a father. He wanted to put a stop to Nirvana so he killed himself. He stopped wanting to be famous, yet, he will always be remembered. So you see, since Kurt's idea was of success was constantly changing, he never fully achieved it, but in a way, he always did.
He was born on February 20th, 1967. Kurt had a bad childhood, that influenced mostly all of his anger and depressions. He was a bully and a loner. He barely had any friends. When his parents got divorced he grew even sadder and had very few happy moments from then on. He began a life with drugs at a very early age, since he was prescribed Ridilin for a symptom that he didn't even have! He grew hate toward his parents and found interests in poetry, art and music. When he was a senior, he dropped out of school. He soon moved away from his birth place in Aberdeen, Washington, and resided in Seattle. He met Chris Novoselic there and they decided to start a band. The two companions always stayed in the band that they soon named Nirvana, but they went through many other members before they found a permanent drummer after the release of their first album. His name was Dave Groul and he formed The Foo Fighters, another rock band, after Kurt's death.
Nirvana was maybe just at the right place at the right time and got "bigger then the beatles" in only a year or two. The second album, Nevermind, reached number one on the charts and their hit single, Smells Like Teen Spirit, is still a favorite today. The band was loved by everyone except for its founder, Kurt Cobain. He hated being a rock star and wished he was normal. He began taking heroin and got addicted. He fell asleep I the middle of doing things and threatened to quit Nirvana all the time.
Kurt met Courtney while drug dealing one day at a concert. They had an affair and soon fell in love and announced that they were to be married. A few months before their wedding Country got pregnant with Kurt's future daughter, Frances Bean, named after the psycho celebrity Frances Farmer and because when she was born Kurt said she "looked like a kidney bean".
Courtney was always trying to find ways to make Kurt put a stop to his drugs, such as rehab centers, but since she still took heroin, there were always drugs in Kurt's reach. Kurt overdosed quite a few times, some in attempt of suicide, some in celebrations or by accident. When he escaped from the rehab center that he was last at, he ran home to the empty house that he lived in, since his wife and daughter were not home, and, on April 4th, wrote a suicide note, put 1.52 milligrams of drugs in his blood, and put a shot gun to his mouth. Kurt's death, and practically Kurt's whole mind is more of a guessing game then facts. That is all that we know about Kurt Cobain, since he was a bully and a loner and never seemed to share his feelings with anyone but his wife and child.
Kurt Cobain was an amazing person with some weird intuitive gifts. He lacked intelligence, well, "school" intelligence since he dropped out his senior year and never went to college but he was a great writer and he was musically gifted. He defiantly did not have any patience, things were done his way when ever he wanted. Maybe that's why he didn't have very many friends. He also couldn't wait to not be famous, maybe that's why he killed himself. Kurt was not understanding, either. He couldn't control himself, he would run away from home if his parents did something"wrong" when he was young, he would flip out and threatened to beat up other band members of other groups if they disagreed with him, he even was changed along the lines of beating his wife once!
Kurt did, however, sometimes express sympathy. He had sympathy towards rape and abused women(even though he might have beat Courtney). He also had sympathy towards himself. If he wasn't so busy feeling sorry for himself and not wanting to be famous anymore, maybe he would have had time to think before he committed suicide. Another trait Kurt possessed was empathy. He always wanted to feel the way everyone else did. Kurt wanted the opposite too, for everyone to feel the way he did. What made Kurt hate being famous so much was all of the "rich snobs" claiming to be his biggest fans. He only wanted the people who thought like him and went through the hate and anger that he did to listen to his music. In the end, Kurt's empathy is what ate him up the most. "It is better to burn out then to fade away"
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Write to me if there is anything
you can think of that you don't
think I know about Kurt...I'd like
to learn more!!!!(Oh and this
report was only done on one book,
but I have alot more information
then what is in here!)
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